Sans and Papyrus buying apples
by Kream45
Summary: Sans and Papyrus decided to go to buy some apples at a local grocery. However, a small misunderstanding took place and stuff went not as expected.
1. What

Sans and Papyrus went to a grocery in their neighbourhood. Living among humans was really fun. They became friends with all the people around.

Sans opened the door and let Papyrus through.

"Thanks, brother!", said Papyrus.

"Anythin for my big bro!" – Sans smiled.

They stepped towards the counter.

"Oh, it's you two! Nice to see you!", the shopkeeper welcomed them.

"Hi, Patrick!", Papyrus waved his hand.

"Hi.", said Sans.

"We came here to buy some of your famous apples!", Papyrus pointed at the apples in the corner.

"Oh, no problem. I've got a few kinds: Golden Delicious, Gala, Granny Smith..."

"We'll be taking 1 kg of Golden Delicious. Right, Sans?", Papyrus looked at his brother.

"Meh..." Sans yawned, "Let's take Granny Smith."

"Why?"

"Cuz it sounds funny, hehe..."

"But Golden Delicious are Golden! AND Delicious!"

"Don't take Golden Delicious, bro, take Grannies. You won't regret it."

"How do you know? Have you eaten them before?"

"Nah, just take'em and we can go."

"Sans! We're not taking Granny Smith apples! It sounds weird!"

"Yeah, but not as weird as you, hehehe."

"Sans!"

"What?"

"We're taking Golden Delicious apples and you will shut up now!"

"Hey bro."

"What?"

"Kiss my ass, hehehe!"

Papyrus looked at Patrick, "You see what kind of shit I have to deal with?"

"Don't involve me in your relations, I just sell shit at this store.", Patrick tried to stop the fight.

"Yeah, don't involve him.", said Sans, "It's not his fault you're so ugly, hehe."

"Sans, if I wasn't your brother, I would fuck you up right now.",

"You wouldn't do it anyway cuz you suck."

They were standing face to face, ready to destroy each other.

Patrick, seeing the skeleton brothers are very close from attacking each other, wanted to interfere.

"Hey, guys, maybe you want some Gala? They're really great, too!"

Papyrus stared in his face, "And who asked for your opinion?"

"Yeah, go away, dawg, it doesn't concern you.", Sans added.

"YES, it does concern me. I don't want you to fight in my store, settle it outside. I thought you wanted apples, now I really can't tell."

"Listen, pal...", Papyrus said, "It's not about apples anymore, and you interrupted me from wiping the floor with my brother's ass. So please, shut your horse mouth up."

"Hey, Pap, leave him alone.", said Sans, "It's not his fault he's gay."

"What did you say, you twat?", Patrick looked at Sans angrily, "You want me to teach you a lesson?"

"Yeah, teach me how do you maintain such a nice shape in your age."

"Oh! Well, all you have to do, is..."

"Just kidding, you look like CRAP."

"Well, FUCK YOU!"

Papyrus, who was quiet for a while, declared something:

"Well, both of you are total fuckups, and I could easily kill you two right here."

"You're so sure? Don't shit yourself, Pap. Our friend, Patrick, or more like Fatdick, is a weak and fragile human. But still, he could rape you."

Patrick took out a double barrel shotgun from the counter.

"Who did you call Fatdick?!"

 **To be continued...**


	2. The Hell

Patrick aimed at Sans and pulled the trigger, but Sans dodged it and threw Patrick into Papyrus.

Papyrus pushed Patrick away and grabbed a lightsaber, which he would always carry with him, and he attacked Sans with it. Papyrus was swinging at Sans, while Patrick got up and injected a triple adrenaline shot in his ass.

"Dafuq?", said Sans and looked at Patrick. Papyrus turned around, too. Patrick was just turning into a monster, with glowing eyes, shining teeth and sparkling ass. His agility and strength increased by a lot.

The three of them were standing in a circle, ready to kill each other.

As if things haven't gotten completely fucked up yet, a herd of mutated zombie-rhinos came and destroyed the shop, together with the whole city.

"What the fu-", Papyrus didn't finish, because at that moment, Patrick was being attacked by a big-ass fire-breathing, acid-shitting dragon.

"Guys! What the SHIT is going on?!", Patrick screamed, dodging all the dragon's attacks. He couldn't even aim a shot, because an earthquake just started.

"Guys, I've got a problem here!", said Sans, who was just fighting an army of dead from Hell, which happened to attack humanity that day. Also, an enormous underground volcano was going to erupt near the city.

"Okay guys, let me help you both, just...", Papyrus stopped, because a planet-sized space shit was just flying towards Earth. If it wasn't enough, suddenly, multiple tornados and a sandstorm also decided to appear.

The three of them were fucked. But then, God happened and helped them.

Tomorrow, they all woke up in a museum. Turned out they were in coma for over 3000 years, the humanity and the city were rebuilt and they were found and put in glass-cases, under an exposition called "Faggots from the past".

They escaped the museum and together, they stole some money from people on the streets, and then they decided to go for some bitches.

They were having a nice time in the future, but Sans and Papyrus decided to go back in time, to the times when everyone they knew were, well, alive.

"Patrick, I'm afraid we have to go back in time.", said Sans. "I will get me and Papyrus back, but I can't take you, too. It's too much for my power."

"You won't have any memories of our good times here.", Papyrus said, sad.

"Yeah, but at least I won't remember we tried to kill each other.", Patrick replied. "When you come back to the past, tell the Me from the past all about it! I won't believe anyway, but it will be funny!"

Papyrus and Sans went back to the times when it all hasn't happened. They were happy.

However, it didn't prevent all the dragons, rhinos and space shits from destroying everything they knew, so, well, they were fucked anyway.

But this time they asked God earlier for help, so only a couple hobos on the street were severely massacred.

Moral? Even skeletons need God. There is something wrong with my brain.

 **THE END**


End file.
